I'm really tired..
Aug. 26th, 2008 12:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggchanI'm really tired and I was just about to go to sleep, and I started reading my old entries.. this thing goes back to 2001. *konk*
Anyway.. I've been in a pretty melancholy mood today. Nothing really caught my interest and I'm just very blah.
I wanted to post here to get some feelings out of my system in hopes that I'll feel better after I get them out in the open. I've been doing a lot of "real" posts lately, huh.
Well anyway.. as some of you know, I'm not exactly your model student.. sure I go to all my classes (or I try very hard to not miss any at least) and I turn in almost all my homework, but school and me just don't get along. I think the only thing I was excited about during HS was getting to hang out with my friends, and even then we didn't get a lot of time together.
Well.. as some of you may (not) know, I don't really get along with art students. I really don't know what it is, but for the most part I just don't share enough similar interests to really have friends I can hang out with on campus. That being said, I am aware that by not living on campus it's harder to make friends... I spent my first 2 years of college with no one to talk to or hang out with. I ate lunch by myself, I went to classes by myself, and I sat by myself in class. It was pretty fucking miserable and lonely.
So I feel that I am missing out on some sort of experience in my life by not living on campus. I feel like I'm just not really getting my whole "college" experience.. but I probably am. All that I'm missing is friends and going to parties, the parties I'm not so much worried about missing out on because I wouldn't be going to them anyway, but..
I guess it's mostly the friends. At the moment, I'm not dreading school because I know I'll probably be the busiest I've ever been in my life.. I'm not dreading school because I'll once again have a pile of homework or late nights.. it's going to school and being alone again. I managed to make 2 friends during my 3 1/2 years at MCAD.. and I will see one of them in 1 class. But I will be back to eating lunch by myself watching everyone else sit with their roommates and friends, walking to class alone, being in class by myself and being completely and utterly lonely. I probably look like a complete loner sitting there eating my food and watching everyone else....
I'm going to stop being emo now.
Thank you![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
xumiie for being such a good friend and reminding me.
Anyway.. I've been in a pretty melancholy mood today. Nothing really caught my interest and I'm just very blah.
I wanted to post here to get some feelings out of my system in hopes that I'll feel better after I get them out in the open. I've been doing a lot of "real" posts lately, huh.
Well anyway.. as some of you know, I'm not exactly your model student.. sure I go to all my classes (or I try very hard to not miss any at least) and I turn in almost all my homework, but school and me just don't get along. I think the only thing I was excited about during HS was getting to hang out with my friends, and even then we didn't get a lot of time together.
Well.. as some of you may (not) know, I don't really get along with art students. I really don't know what it is, but for the most part I just don't share enough similar interests to really have friends I can hang out with on campus. That being said, I am aware that by not living on campus it's harder to make friends... I spent my first 2 years of college with no one to talk to or hang out with. I ate lunch by myself, I went to classes by myself, and I sat by myself in class. It was pretty fucking miserable and lonely.
So I feel that I am missing out on some sort of experience in my life by not living on campus. I feel like I'm just not really getting my whole "college" experience.. but I probably am. All that I'm missing is friends and going to parties, the parties I'm not so much worried about missing out on because I wouldn't be going to them anyway, but..
I guess it's mostly the friends. At the moment, I'm not dreading school because I know I'll probably be the busiest I've ever been in my life.. I'm not dreading school because I'll once again have a pile of homework or late nights.. it's going to school and being alone again. I managed to make 2 friends during my 3 1/2 years at MCAD.. and I will see one of them in 1 class. But I will be back to eating lunch by myself watching everyone else sit with their roommates and friends, walking to class alone, being in class by myself and being completely and utterly lonely. I probably look like a complete loner sitting there eating my food and watching everyone else....
I'm going to stop being emo now.
Thank you
xumiie for being such a good friend and reminding me.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-26 06:13 pm (UTC)I know how you feel, because I was in exactly the same situation. When I was at my two-year school, I did exactly the same thing. Ate by myself every day, sat in classes by myself, etc. The one person I really befriended ended up being a woman with a daughter around my age. She was in two of my classes my last semester there, and really nice...but yeah. She was the only friend I made at school.
But ya know...I've come to realize something. Well, two things.
1. Situations sometimes get better when you least expect them to. In the same way that you find something you lost after you stop looking for it, sometimes situations randomly repair themselves when you're not looking. So maybe this year will be better for you. I really hope so!
2. Rotten situations are rotten when you're right in the middle of them, but there will come a time when you look back on them and can't believe that they're over. I learned that from my grandmother. I broke my ankle in a whole lot of places the summer right before high school and was in pain and miserable about having to wear a cast for pretty much the whole summer. And my grandma told me, "One day, you'll look back on this and it'll seem like just a bad dream to you." And so, I try to remember that whenever I'm going through something bad. Things seem bad at the time, but one day, they'll be over and won't seem to matter as much.
I hope that this year is happier for you. And also, feel free to text me as much as you want whenever you're feeling lonely, okay? <3
And don't ever apologize for emo-ness. It's important to talk about your feelings and as your friends we all want to be here for you!